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STOP THE VOICES
by  Shirley Pierce

I’ve discovered something that can help you lose weight, minimize wrinkles, sleep more, look better and feel great.  It’s the key to happiness and, if used as directed, will absolutely, positively add years to your life.  You can make this stunning discovery for yourself.  All you have to do is stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath.  That’s it.  That’s all you have to do.   Just chill.  

Every woman I know, married or single, who goes to work or stays at home, has the mantra: “I stress therefore I am”.  There’s outside stress – traffic, homework, tantrums, deadlines, voice mail, e-mail, bills.  There’s the internal stress of trying to be a combination of Carol Brady, Martha Stewart and Flojo and cram it all into a body no bigger than Calista Flockhart’s.

Everything must be perfect – the house, the kids, the body, the job, the hair, the husband, the teeth, the life.  I have two words for you – stop it!  Stop the voices that are making you create the stress in your life.  And if you create it, you can un-create it.

How?  Well, you could shave your head, climb a mountain in Tibet and “ohm”. But you’ll probably go nuts without cable.  Talk to your doctor or your spiritual adviser (even if its your cat) to find the stress busters that work for you.   Until then try some of mine.

THE GIFT OF TIME

First of all, I can almost guarantee that a lot of your stress comes from your struggle with three basic laws of nature.  But like the gravity tugging at your bustline, these laws  cannot be changed.   The three laws are:  You only have two hands.  You cannot be in two places at once.  And no matter how many deadlines, carpools, phone calls, meals or tae-bo classes you have to fit in, there are still only 24 hours in a day.

Some busy schedules are thrust upon you and some you thrust upon yourself.  The trick is to know the difference and make time your friend.

Never, ever give yourself a schedule that you know you can never make even if you drive yourself and anyone within earshot crazy.  What good is it if you arrive, tires squealing and panting at every stop.  The Five Minute Rule and the daily Lunch Hour are just two ways to stop the ticking clock of stress.

The Five Minute Rule:  If you can’t arrive at an appointment or meet a deadline at least five minutes early, find another time to do it.  I know that no woman is 100% in charge of her own schedule.  But making a schedule is like driving a bumper car.   Your goal is to see trouble coming and steer around it.  This way when you get rammed from behind by a killer deadline, it’s all just part of the game.

Take A Lunch Hour:  For most women, whether at the office or home, lunch hour means it’s time to put on track shoes and hit every possible stop in a ten mile radius like a teenager racking up points on a pinball machine.  As often as you can, at lunchtime, why not just sit and eat lunch or read a book … for the full hour.  And no cheating.  Not a book that you have to read for work or school.  Make it something uplifting or trashy.  If you’re a stay-at-home mom, use nap or “quiet time”, not for the laundry, but for you.

LET GO

Two of the hardest words in the English language to a control freak  – let go.  Members of AA try to change the things they can and accept what they cannot.  You can’t change the traffic.  You can’t change the weather.  You can’t change your  significant other, children or roommate.  BUT … you can change your attitude.

If your four year old wants to wear a tutu to school, let him.  If traffic is making you late, call ahead (you have to pull over in some states) and put on some relaxing music.  Washing machines will overflow.  School buses will be missed.  Stress is not a magic potion or rain dance any way.  You can stress all over a problem but it won’t change a thing.  Fix what you can and accept what you can’t.

And here’s a biggie to let go of – the perfect, neat and tidy house.  Tell the truth.  What makes you more cranky?  The fact that the house is a mess or that somebody outside the family might see it.  My guess is the latter.  So try this exercise. Make a deal with the “mess makers”.  They can live in their mess as long as they need to but when company comes, you have the right to dump everything that’s out of place in the receptacle of your choice.  After that, if they want it, they have to go get it. You’d be amazed at how quickly this method cleans a room and gives you peace of mind.

THOU SHALT NOT STRESS WHEN YOU DRESS

This is more than just a shameless plug.  The DMN system of shopping and dressing actually takes the stress out of what you wear every day.  If you have your wardrobe together with classic pieces in the right colors, you’ll always have the answer to the question, “What do I wear today?”  No matter the occasion or time available, you will always have something to wear.  No brag.  Just fact.

NO WOMAN IS AN ISLAND

Remember the shocking revelation that you only have two hands?  Well, actually there is a way to get around it.  Try using the hands of others.  You can wheedle, bribe or blackmail friends and family to help you.  Or if you can afford it, pay a professional.

Free help:  Put your family on notice – they’re drafted!  Your husband probably knows his way around a dishwasher and even a five year old can pick up a pair of socks.  You could also save yourself the daily grind of kid schlepping by carpooling with other moms in the same boat.  And here’s a hint for single moms with no family or economic safety-net -- join a church group.  Let it be known that you’re over your head and you need a break.  You’ll be surprised how many of your “sister’s keepers” you will find.

Paid help:  There are dog walkers, car washers, carpet cleaners and baby sitters.  There are grocery stores filled with stuffed, marinated and cooked food.  You can have your dry cleaning picked up and your groceries delivered.  Shopping on the Internet is a great time saver.  And there are actually men out there who will clean your house in the nude!  (Where’s that number?)  The sportswear ads are only half right.  Let somebody else do it.

EXERCISE

You’ve heard this from everybody -- from your mother to Weight Watchers to the Heart Association.  Well, now you’re going to hear it from me.  Exercise rocks when it comes to busting stress.  From personal experience, the endorphins are just the beginning.  Being physically fit not only makes you look good but it helps you to feel in control.  And control is the best answer to stress. You don’t have to train for a marathon, just contact your doctor and find the best way for you to get busy at least three times a week. 

STRESS IS A DEADLY SIN

Stress not only makes you unattractive.  It can also kill.  It can cause migraines, double-vision, hypertension, strokes and heart attacks.  If you are overly stressed by your need to be “the good girl”, remember the “good” could die young.  Next time you stress about something, ask yourself, “Is this worth dying for?”  (Okay, discounting life or death situations and a shoe sale at Macy’s.)  But 9 times out of 10, the answer will be “no”. 

 
COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

If you’re reading this on a computer, that means you have the money to buy one.   If your healthy children are driving you nuts, think of those who are childless or facing enormous challenges with a child who is ill.  For every stress you can think of, believe me there is some woman out there who has it much worse.

 Just following the above has lowered my blood pressure by fifteen points and Visine is no longer a regular part of my beauty regimen.  So, I’ll leave you with these two axioms.  The woman with the longest “to do” list does not win.  And she who laughs … lasts.

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Shirley Pierce and Janet Behmer are the authors of the book that's changing the way women think about clothes and themselves -- Dress Me Now: How to Make Your Wardrobe Behave. http://www.dressmenow.com