PLEASING YOURSELF IN THE END

By Shirley Pierce

At Dress Me Now, we bitch and nag at you to be the “best you can be”. We tell you that you’ll look better and feel better. We promise that you will win friends and influence people.

Even though all the above is true. There is really only one real reason to be your best. And nothing says it better than the poem below. It’s become an urban legend that says a lot to those of us in the empowerment community. The words are even more poignant because they are believed to be the last thoughts of a death-row inmate. His name is unknown.

The gender has been changed to inspire the guilty.

THE WOMAN IN THE MIRROR

If you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you Queen for a day
Then go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that woman has to say.

She’s the woman to please, never mind all the rest
For she’s with you clear up to the end
And you’ve passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the woman in the glass is your friend

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you’ve cheated the woman in the glass

In other words, if you’ve binged and purged, lied, cheated, stolen or self-medicated your way through life, your rewards will ring hollow. But it’s not just the seven deadlies -- PRIDE, GREED, LUST, ANGER, GLUTTONY, ENVY & SLOTH – that are the inevitable soul busters.

Women’s souls are also stunted by two additional deadly sins. Two other soul-busters that you should kick-to-the-curb now. And they are -- SUBMISSION and SELF-DOUBT. This two headed monster greets us when we come out of the womb. We learned early if we’re “good” girls, we get a gold star, a pat on the head, a date, a job, a promotion. We learned with our father’s first smile that if we danced to somebody else’s tune, we got even more goodies.

When we look back on our lives are we going to be proud that we allowed ourselves to be mentally or physically abused, taken advantage of, mis-diagnosed, ignored or just plain forgotten because we didn’t speak up for ourselves? Are we going to be glad that we were too scared to try to go for a goal or a dream? Or too drunk or stoned to function for ourselves, our children and our families? Will we proudly show the entries in our diaries about the nights we stayed home because we “thought” we were too fat, too ugly, too not whatever-the-magazines-said-we’re-supposed-to-be?

My answer to all the above is a resounding “no”! We have to stop going hat-in-hand to the world. We have to recognize that we have power. All of us. And exercising that power does not mean that we have to behave like an ego-maniacal supermodel or mega-star.

Exercising your power means claiming your rights to be treated like the divine being you are. That means you deserve to be honored, nurtured, respected, celebrated and recognized just because you’re you. And if you have any accomplishments on top of that then give yourself a pat on the back for them and expect others to respect them, too.

There are organizations, religions and mis-guided people who believe differently. Don’t give in to them. Don’t give into anybody or anything that can only survive if you feel “less than”. It’s your job, in the nicest of ways, to help these unbelievers to get their facts straight.

Because when you look in the mirror at the end of life’s journey, you don’t want to see a face that someone created for you. A face that is so broken, bruised or changed that your own mother couldn’t pick you out in a line-up. You also don’t want to see the deepest part of your soul reflected back as a demon so dark and deformed that it would scare Freddie Krueger.

Here’s a thought. Instead of looking in the mirror at the end of your life, look in it every day. And make sure that who you see is the you that you want to be.

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