|
"Why do I date such snakes?"
|
|
"Diamonds are better than a
girl's best friend. Try to sell a friend
on E-bay."
|
"Gentlemen who prefer blondes
also buy retail."
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"I'll wear a push up bra when men wear push up briefs!"
|
Who says "It's what's up front that counts?"
|
"It looked better in the store."
|
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"So many shoes ... so little time."
|
This movie has been rated "I": for "Implants"
and "Injections". The women have been surgically altered
to appear in this film.
|
THE LEXICON OF DIVORCE
When asked why she filed for divorce stating "Irreconcilable
Differences" a woman explained, "He reconciled with his secretary
in my bed and I differed."
HAZARDOUS MATERIAL
New warning labels: This child is dirty, sticky and slimy and is known
to the State of California to be hazardous to your wardrobe.
DOIN' WHAT COMES NATURALLY
The male function of almost all species is to find and fertilize the female.
So, he is usually stronger, more competitive and possessing of a greater
sex drive. However, some males cannot adapt to environmental changes while
their females can. In the lower orders, it causes the species to evolve.
In Homo Sapiens, it causes confusion.
© Beverly Hawkins Hall halleebah@aol.com
NEED A LIFT?
Have you walked into a lingerie department lately? Doesn't it feel like
we're in a full-out "Bra War"? It used to be pretty simple in
the old days: Under wire or no under wire. Full-cup or demi-cup. Lace
or no lace. Now it's:
WONDER BRAS - I keep "wondering". Do they make me look good
or are guys just "wondering" if there's anything really in there!
So hard to know these days.
WATER BRAS - What? Do you just squeeze them and they self-clean? Or do
they qualify as a backup supply during an earthquake?
GEL INSERTS - Don't even THINK of going into the Jacuzzi with these babies
in your bikini top. They poach like Grade A eggs and float to the surface.
(Won't that be cute at your next summer soiree?)
ATHLETIC "T" STRAP - Just what I needed in step class. I mean,
why brand the skin on my shoulders with regular bra straps when I can
squeeze myself into looking like a cycloptic mammary gland with this one?
That's it for now. I'm outta here.
RETURN TO SENDER
Who ever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear
it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to
someone. - Jan King
THE BIRTH OF THE BLUES
During gestation, the pregnant female is at war with everything she owns
in her closet. She also turns into a road company of The Seven Dwarfs:
testy, bitchy, sleepy, achy, weepy, hungry and constipated. Not to mention
the two stand-bys: swollen ankles and liver spots. - Shirley Pierce
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." Somebody at the store misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS" and boomed back over the
intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE
KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
FOUND ON THE INTERNET
DOWN THE AISLE
Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because
their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually
button and zip in the back. We need men emotionally and sexually, but
we also need men to help us get dressed.
RITA RUDNER
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