Dress Me Now - For Our Daughters

What advice would you leave your daughter if your life were ending? This writer is lucky that her girls are grown, but she still has things to say to young girls everywhere...

I�ve been there. I have been a teenager and lived to tell the truth. It�s not always fun. At an age when you�re sprouting in places you might not want to sprout, gaining weight and curves, a womanly figure and look about you, your world can be confusing.

As a girl, you begin going through times in your life you�d wish away if you could. Like starting your period. Ugh. What was God thinking to dump this on women alone? I truly believe men should be suffering through this, PMS and childbirth. Play fair.� But life isn�t fair, is it? You�ve heard that from your parents so often.

Suddenly, you�re bombarded with boys who like boobs, TV and movies full of sex and violence, and MTV videos that make adults gasp. What can a female do? She needs self worth, good values and strong principles.� Today�s world isn�t always pleasant. These years can be not only an opportunity of growth and learning about who you are, but a time to seal your character and personality in ways that will make you a better woman.

A lot of rules from the adult world can suck, but some make real good sense.� They�re usually set for a reason and it either helps to save lives or sets limits that need to be imposed.

Realize that sex and violence is out there; be aware of its hazards, the reasons that your parents say �Don�t have sex until you�re in love, adults or married.� I won�t quote how many teenage pregnancies, cases of venereal disease or Aids are out there. But trust me, you don�t want to know.

Boys will try to talk you into things and out of your clothes. I am well aware of the things boys say and do. They�ll admire you far more for being a person of principle than of easy virtue, however. Don�t date a boy because you feel forced to, kiss or go further unless it�s your choice (and make sure you make the right choice). Don�t attend parties you know are going to go in the wrong direction, whether that is sex, drugs or alcohol. It�s easiest not to put yourself in those positions. Then you don�t have to get out of them.

One thing I really did right in high school was to be my own person.� In times that were so ripe with peer pressure, this wasn�t usually considered cool.� It was not the easiest choice to make either.� To this day, I am most proud of the fact that I didn�t follow the crowd, but kept friends in every cliche or group. I hung out with lots of kids and made sure if I didn�t, I was friendly and said hi to them.� Today, as I did back then, I have all kinds of friends.� I don�t believe in racism and neither should you.� I�d protect someone who was being hurt.� I�d step up to the plate if I was needed.

I strike up conversations with strangers all the time. My paths are wider, my horizons broader because of this.� And besides, I get great stories.� Sometimes, my daughter will look sideways at me like, �Oh no, here she goes again.�� I just smile at her and continue on.� Someday, she�ll be just like me.� She just hasn�t figured that out yet.

If you�re lucky enough to have parents that have great solid values and stand together, more power to you. If not, you�ll have to search out your own truths. That may be by reading, talking to others, going to church, school, and believing in something to the bottom of your toes. Make sure that belief is in something positive. Keep a good and happy attitude, always looking at that half full glass of water, not the half-empty one.��

If you were my daughter, I�d tell you things I know directly affect me as a person and make me better than I might have been.

Don�t be superficial.� Mean what you say. Make your word something people can count on.� Be genuine, even if it sometimes seems old-fashioned.� Stand on your feet firmly, don�t be forced into anything you don�t want to do. You must believe in your own self, whether you�re in the band, a cheerleader, a nerd, on the swim team or if you�re a loner and spend your spare time in the library.�

Enjoy your family, tell them every day that you love them. Touch people a lot in all ways you can, whether physically or emotionally. Send cards to show you think of others. Take pride in who you are and what you believe in.

Know that you must take care of and watch out for yourself. Always keep your eye on other drivers when in your or anyone�s car. Being a safe driver doesn�t mean you can�t be killed by a drunk driver, a distracted mother or businessman. Don�t start fights on the road. You never know how the other person will react. Yell inside your car with the windows rolled up, if you must. But face forward when you do it.

Give away your smiles, be kind to others, open doors for the elderly, or anyone. Remember not to sweat the small stuff. Eat well, put good food in your body. Exercise regularly. Have one steady form of exercise you like to do and, though you should vary it, stick with it.� Walk places instead of driving. Take up yoga and do it in times of stress. It gives you a sense of wellbeing, stretches out and strengthens your body. It gives you flexibility, another thing that�s not a given in this life.

Flexibility, be flexible. It shows the true sign of intelligence that you can change with the times, the need, and the situation.

Write and call your grandparents, you won�t always have them around. Send them photographs of you and the things you do that are important to you. Frame photos, take pictures, keep them organized. Make good friends you keep for life.

Don�t ever let a man make you do something you don�t want. Or into someone you don�t want to be. Nobody should change you to love you. Walk with firmness and direction, with confidence, with assurance that you�re physically fit. And be physically fit. If someone attacks you, do whatever you need to do to survive it. Your life is the most precious thing you have, and what you leave behind you. Remember no possession, no, not even your BMW, is worth your dying for. Give up your wallet, your purse, your car.

But fight for your life, your individuality, your happiness. Love your body, your face. Remember, the most sexy women in the world aren�t necessarily thin or beautiful. But, they believe they are beautiful and ooze with confidence and pride in their bodies. Don�t be obsessed with a scale. Cut the lifeline to it. If your friends are all a size two, get new friends or don�t let it affect you, if you happen to be a nice size twelve. Don�t ever believe you must be tiny in size to be lovely or loved. There are many ways to be beautiful. Be smart, be intelligent, be funny, be fun to be with, be athletic, be different.

Don�t give up hope of finding the best man for you but don�t live your life waiting for him. Live your life to the fullest without him. He�ll find you when you�re busy laughing and having fun. And do laugh a lot.� You must have moments of hysterical laughter with tears flowing and belly aching. It�s so good for you.�

Girls need to feel loved.� It�s imperative that you surround yourself with the right people.� When Mr. Right comes into your life, make sure he adores you.� A woman needs not only love but that adoration.

Work to make your life and world anything you want it to be. Fight for causes, sign petitions, write letters of thanks, disapproval or approval. Send them. Be a crusader for something. Donate things others can use that you don�t anymore.

Be the person you�d like someone else to be to you. Treat your loved ones as you�d like to be treated. And don�t take the world on your shoulders, get help. Ask for it. Learn to say no. No. There. It�s not hard.

Make time in your life for those things you love and enjoy.� Spend time by yourself to rejuvenate.� Fill your soul with fresh air and flowers, footprints in the sand, sipping cafe lattes at a corner stand.� Eat chocolate.

Keep your spirits up, and those of others around you. When your feet hit the floor first thing in the morning, it�s a good day to be alive.

S.D. Craigis a freelance writer from Southern California and editor of three e-zines. She writes with a slice-of-life touch, a quick wit, all infiltrated with her inspirational exuberance. Middle age and a wacky nature give Craig even more passion about body image issues, though she pens articles about men, relationships, marriage/divorce, family, parents, teens and school days, career issues, computers, the Internet, sports, movie reviews and writing tips.