Dress Me Now - For Our Daughters

In the Dress Me Now! Beauty Journal, there is this question, "If I could go back in time and talk to myself at seven, what would I teach her about self-esteem?" The answer to that question depends on when a woman was seven.

In a place far, far away known as the fifties, a young girl's self-esteem was never a question. Actually, in the fifties, the words "girl" and "self-esteem" were never even used in the same sentence. A young woman's lot in life was all laid out. She grew up, got married, had babies. Period. (That's not to be confused with the term "having your period" which was taboo to say. In covert whispers, it was called your "friend". But what kind of friend makes you that crazy or causes you that much pain every thirty days? )

What was important for females in the time of Eisenhower and Elvis? Looks, brains, dreams? Well, let's just say that women weren't traumatized by how they looked back then because there wasn't a lot they could do about it. Make-up for many was a pinch on the cheek and a little lipstick. And women's brains were held in the same high esteem as the appendix by the outside world. Women had brains, there just didn't seem to be much use for them. Careers and jobs in the working world were mostly for men and "spinsters". Women were rarely allowed to own property or even have credit in their name. (Yes, there was a time when the phrase "Charge it!" was not a female anthem.) And if a woman had a dream in those, thankfully, bygone days? Fuh-get about it!

There were dozens of brilliant, successful women who broke through the glass ceiling of a woman's life in the fifties. But these heroines had to fight to crack the "boys' club". But how about the millions who were discouraged or never even tried?

Then came the sixties and Women's "Lib". We began to realize that we had a right to define ourselves and make ourselves happy. Bras and barriers were burned. We were taking charge of our bodies and our lives. We could go bra-less, makeup-less and man-less if we so chose.

The sixties were followed by the seventies and then the bomb dropped. An explosion occurred that blew our fledgling power, dreams and choices from the center of our collective consciousness. And who dropped the bomb? Madison Avenue.

Advertisers have always known that a "pretty" girl could sell a guy anything. Just give him the fantasy that he could have the "pretty" girl and he would reach for his wallet faster than a frat boy for the last can of beer.

But then advertisers realized that if they could give women the fantasy that they could be the highly idealized "pretty" girl, it would make advertisers very, very rich.

Suddenly, we were no longer wives, mothers and future captains of industry. We became a "target market". And they hit their bulls-eye with deadly accuracy.

The closing decades of the twentieth century brought a barrage of "perfect" female images that were molded, air-brushed and shoved into our faces everywhere we turned. This was done with such inescapable intensity that the "fantasy" images became the norm and we, the living, became the freaks.

We binged, purged, exercised and starved ourselves in an impossible quest to fit our very real flesh into their make-believe mold.

The insanity increased even more when Hollywood jumped on the "fantasy girl" cash cow. Suddenly, youthful actresses with tight nipples and navels were jiggling at us from every movie and video screen in America.

Like Pinocchio, the unreal became real and nobody's nose was growing to reveal the lie. But the pockets of the money men grew. While women's self-esteem shrank.

Now we step into the 21st Century. Freedom from bondage is not the call of young women today but the freedom to have more cleavage. We marched to gain control of our lives only to lose it in the marketplace. The only steps we take toward our destiny now are on a Stairmaster.

I write this to you, our daughters, to urge you and help you to free yourself from these fantasy images that bind your body and spirit (as surely as racism and sexism bound many women when they were your age).

I don't advise that you rant and rave at the monolithic industries that spew out these images. The noise of the cash registers will drown you out. Your self-esteem is just so much road-kill on their bottom line.

1) With apologies to the late, great Paddy Chayefsky, I want you to go to your televisions, VCR's, movie theaters and magazine stands and tune out their "fantasy" images. Tune them out and shout, "I'm beautiful as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!"

2) Once you stop looking to "them" for your definition of what is good and normal for women, look at the real world, at your female friends and neighbors. Look at how many shapes, sizes and colors they come in. Even on California's Venice Beach, there are more real women than there are blondes on roller blades.

3) Find the oldest woman in your family or neighborhood and talk to her. Ask her where she came from. What her philosophies are. What was it like for her growing up as a woman? You'll be surprised at the unsung heroines that you have in your life, maybe even in your own home. And I bet that all of the marvelous women you find will have made their contributions to their communities and families without flat abs.

4) Read everything you can about women from around the world. Who they are. How they live. What they believe. How they're treated. You'll find that you have a lot in common with them. You will also find lots of variations on the "female" theme. It will be a mind opening experience of what it really means to be a girl.

5) Never do anything that ruins your mind, your life or your health in your quest to be physically "perfect" for someone else's fleeting approval. It is not worth the cost. You will be giving up the most valuable thing you possess to become something you are not. You will be giving up - you.

6) Most importantly, know that all the good messages and everything that is good about you comes from inside of you and from people who know you and love you.

7) And last, but not least, if anyone tries to make you feel less than the beautiful being that you are, tell them to kiss your tattoo (especially if it's in an interesting place).

These are just my seven steps. I'm sure if you think about it and talk about it with your friends and teachers, you will find dozens more. Just make sure you follow the ones that come from your heart.

In the fifties and sixties, women fought for the right to create their own identities. Now the same battle falls to you. Never let someone else's ignorance or greed ever stop you from being the best that you know you can be.

Copyright (c) 2006 DressMeNow.com. All rights reserved. No part of this site may be copied, published, broadcast, or otherwise distributed or reproduced without the prior written permission of DressMeNow.com.